Its been well over a month since my last post, and so much has happened!!! The following is a brief summary of my child birth experience….I promise no gory details.
On March 8th at 9:30PM my water broke, this came as quite a surprise since I wasn’t due until March 16th. I had Adrian get out the What What to Expect When You‘re Expecting, based on the books suggestion we made our way to the hospital where it was confirmed. Contractions hadn’t started, the doctor said there was an 80% chance they would start on there own in the next 24 hours, at 11pm we made our way home to wait.
1:00AM March 9th, I woke up with contraction and the realization that I was about to have a very painful back labour. The contractions started 10 minutes apart, by 1:30AM they were 6 minutes apart, at around 2:30AM we made our way back to the hospital. We were in triage of the maternity ward for assessment around 3:15AM, the Doctor determined I was 3cm dilated, time to get me to a room. At this point I was in a lot of pain, contractions were 4 minutes apart. I told the doctor that I wanted an epidural, and I didn’t want to miss the opportunity.
At 3:45AM I was in the delivery room. I refused to sit or lay on the bed as the back labour was so intense, I stood over the bed for the majority of my labour. They provided me with laughing gas to ease the pain, through each contraction I huffed on the gas mask like Darth Vador. I am sure this provided some sort of pain relief but at the time I remember thinking it wasn’t doing anything.
At 4:15AM I was being prepared for an IV and blood was taken in preparation for the epidural. By 5:00AM I felt an incredible pressure at the end of each contraction, this resulted in an animal like moaning, and pushing. The nurse referred to it as bearing down, and kept telling me not to do it. The Doctor was called in and determined I was 7cm dilated. The blood work for the epidural would not be ready in time, and the epidural would only slow things down. The Doctor told me I was having the baby without the epidural, that I could do it. Fear washed over me from head to toe.
At 5:20AM I started pushing, If memory serves me correctly there were about 4-5 contractions, I pushed 2-3 times per contraction, the Nurse and the Doctor were fabulous at coaching me. At 5:48AM Grayson Leo Meier burst into this world and changed our lives.
Afterwards my body felt like it had run a half marathon, I was exhausted, sore, and elated. The experience of child birth opened me up leaving me feeling raw and exposed. I would bounce back and forth between happiness, gratitude, melancholy, and greif. One day I had life inside of me, and within 24 hours I transformed allowing life to flow through me. The emptiness left inside brought an unexpected feeling of loss, but when Grayson was placed in my arms searching for my breast with a tentative rooting I felt whole again.
The last 3 weeks have been a challenge as I learn to adjust to this new and demanding role. Everyday is different, some are harder than others, and life has a new much slower pace. Child Birth was a powerful, life altering, and fulfilling experience that I am thankful to have had.